I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
