As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
