You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
