I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
