Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
