your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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