If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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