We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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