Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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