How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
