I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
