I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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