he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
