"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
