2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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