he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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