i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
