No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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