My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sobbing to NWA
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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