That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
