he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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