My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
