apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
