Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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