so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
