u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
