Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
