I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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