"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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