I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
