I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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