I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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