I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
