yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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