You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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