don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
