I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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