I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
