hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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