I'm jealous of your bromance
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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