Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
