Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
