im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
