I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
