Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
