So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
