Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
