her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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