More tranny stories later!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
