My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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