Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
