she looked like the before picture.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
