She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
