The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
