Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
