It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize