is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
