I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize