Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
