I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
