8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
