I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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