I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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