a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Randomize
