If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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