And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
