So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
