i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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