I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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